The No Yelling Challenge has actually been one of the easiest parts! I think it is because I was so ready for a change. Our home is happier. Oh we still have our moments of absolute chaos - lots of them. And we still have moments of tension (quite a few). And my kids (and I) are FAR from behaving perfectly. I think what has made the difference is this handy little chart I found on Pinterest. It was designed to help teachers at schools so I had to do quite a bit of tweaking to make it applicable to my family.
This cost me probably five dollars to make. I bought one of those small foam type boards in the poster board section of the store and then some multi colored self adhesive foam "paper". And clothespins.
Everyone starts each day on "Ready to Go!" They move up a level by any of the following: obeying me the first time, getting themselves ready for school, clearing their place at the table, doing chores and homework without me asking, being reverent during scriptures, etc. If they reach YOU ROCK, then they get a treat at the end of the day. Usually a Hershey's Kiss or Hug. Ah the power of chocolate!
They move down a level by breaking a rule, not obeying me the first time, leaving their backpacks, jackets, shoes, etc. all over the house, fighting with a sibling, throwing a temper tantrum, etc. I have had to personally enforce the plummeting movement of a child down through every single level over one small infraction. It was not pretty. Not pretty at all. There was much gnashing of teeth going on. However, no yelling. :)
The nice thing about this system is that if they mess up, they aren't sunk for the day. They can work their way back to the very top! Not only does it teach consequences, both happy and sad ones, it also teaches that they can come back from the deepest darkest place and get the wonderful reward! They just have to go through the steps!
THINK IT OVER - the first step. Realize what you did wrong. For us, that involves sitting still in a chair in the middle of the kitchen for five minutes. Then we discuss how we will handle the situation differently the next time and why it was a sad choice.
WRITE IT DOWN - the second step. Reinforce over and over in your mind what you need to do differently. For instance - if the child didn't obey - they write down I will obey Mom and Dad twenty times. I make it into a positive rather than a negative. I will keep my hands to myself. I will tell Mom the truth. I will put my toys away.
UH-OH JAR - the third step. Restitution. Our Uh-Oh jar looks like this:
Contained in this lovely little can covered in scrapbook paper and clear contact paper are little strips of paper. With chores written on them. Nasty chores. The ones I absolutely HATE to do. By the time my kiddos are down to this level, it has usually progressed from something simple like hitting their brother into screaming that they hate me or I am the meanest mom in the whole world. Which means that they need to help me out for a while. Some chores include: washing walls, washing windows, scrubbing the top of the stove, cleaning out and wiping off fridge shelves, washing out garbage cans, the real nasty ones. Who needs to do deep cleaning when you have kids throwing tantrums and being rude? :)
NO SCREEN TIME - the final step. My kids, I'm sorry to say, are totally enthralled with and addicted to screens. Any screen. All screens. The TV. DVD's. WII. My husband's smart phone. My husband's IPAD that he has for work. My little cheap not-so-smart phone. The screen on the camera. If the microwave had a screen, they would stand in front of it for hours. Even as I am typing this blog, the two youngest keep looking over my shoulder. And they can't even read! So to ban them from screen time is a fate worse than death in their little worlds! We don't have a lot of screen time for them so every drippity drop is a precious commodity. Once they have reached this level, it is in effect for the whole day. They earn their way back to the top but they can't earn back their screen time. I feel that this is important because there are some things in life that we can't earn back. Even if we say we are sorry and repent, we still have to deal with the consequence.
IF my kids plummet through all the levels at mach 3 speed, there isn't always time to do think it over or write it down. So as they work back up through the levels, that is when they take care of what is required on each level.
WHY IT IS WORKING FOR US -
I think the main reason why it is working for us is that I don't have to argue anymore. I simply move them down. I can do it without even talking. Plus it moves the responsibility onto them. I didn't make the wrong choice. And I can't fix it or change their choice. They have to do that. We have only had 2 instances among all 4 kids that have resulted in moving all the way down to the bottom. Usually things are resolved before we have even gotten to the Uh-Oh Jar. I think having so many positive ways to move up helps it to work too. My kids really want to be at the top. They love seeing their clothespins move up the levels. And I like rewarding good behavior.
So two weeks into it, so far the No Yelling Challenge has been a success. I did have a safety yell at one of my kiddos when they were standing a bit too close while I was swinging a pick axe the other day. They wanted to see the axe hit the root I was trying to chop up. So there was a safety yell. I let my kids vote if it counted as yelling or not and they said no. :)
