The No Yelling Challenge - week 2

Well, we are starting WEEK 2 of this little project.  The things I thought would be the hardest are turning out to be the easiest and vice-versa.  Not what I expected at all!

The No Yelling Challenge has actually been one of the easiest parts!  I think it is because I was so ready for a change. Our home is happier.  Oh we still have our moments of absolute chaos - lots of them.  And we still have moments of tension (quite a few).  And my kids (and I) are FAR from behaving perfectly.  I think what has made the difference is this handy little chart I found on Pinterest.  It was designed to help teachers at schools so I had to do quite a bit of tweaking to make it applicable to my family.

 

 

This cost me probably five dollars to make. I bought one of those small foam type boards in the poster board section of the store and then some multi colored self adhesive foam "paper".  And clothespins. 

 

Everyone starts each day on "Ready to Go!"  They move up a level by any of the following: obeying me the first time, getting themselves ready for school, clearing their place at the table, doing chores and homework without me asking, being reverent during scriptures, etc.  If they reach YOU ROCK, then they get a treat at the end of the day.  Usually a Hershey's Kiss or Hug.  Ah the power of chocolate!

 

They move down a level by breaking a rule, not obeying me the first time, leaving their backpacks, jackets, shoes, etc. all over the house, fighting with a sibling, throwing a temper tantrum, etc.  I have had to personally enforce the plummeting movement of a child down through every single level over one small infraction.  It was not pretty.  Not pretty at all. There was much gnashing of teeth going on.  However, no yelling. :)

 

The nice thing about this system is that if they mess up, they aren't sunk for the day.  They can work their way back to the very top!  Not only does it teach consequences, both happy and sad ones, it also teaches that they can come back from the deepest darkest place and get the wonderful reward!  They just have to go through the steps!

 

THINK IT OVER - the first step.  Realize what you did wrong.  For us, that involves sitting still in a chair in the middle of the kitchen for five minutes.  Then we discuss how we will handle the situation differently the next time and why it was a sad choice.

 

WRITE IT DOWN - the second step.  Reinforce over and over in your mind what you need to do differently.  For instance - if the child didn't obey - they write down  I will obey Mom and Dad  twenty times.  I make it into a positive rather than a negative.  I will keep my hands to myself.  I will tell Mom the truth.  I will put my toys away.

 

UH-OH JAR - the third step.  Restitution. Our Uh-Oh jar looks like this:

 

Contained in this lovely little can covered in scrapbook paper and clear contact paper are little strips of paper.  With chores written on them.  Nasty chores.  The ones I absolutely HATE to do.  By the time my kiddos are down to this level, it has usually progressed from something simple like hitting their brother into screaming that they hate me or I am the meanest mom in the whole world.  Which means that they need to help me out for a while.  Some chores include:  washing walls, washing windows, scrubbing the top of the stove, cleaning out and wiping off fridge shelves, washing out garbage cans, the real nasty ones.  Who needs to do deep cleaning when you have kids throwing tantrums and being rude?  :)

 

 

NO SCREEN TIME - the final step.  My kids, I'm sorry to say, are totally enthralled with and addicted to screens.  Any screen.  All screens.  The TV.  DVD's.  WII.  My husband's smart phone.  My husband's IPAD that he has for work.  My little cheap not-so-smart phone.  The screen on the camera.  If the microwave had a screen, they would stand in front of it for hours.  Even as I am typing this blog, the two youngest keep looking over my shoulder.  And they can't even read! So to ban them from screen time is a fate worse than death in their little worlds!  We don't have a lot of screen time for them so every drippity drop is a precious commodity.  Once they have reached this level, it is in effect for the whole day.  They earn their way back to the top but they can't earn back their screen time.  I feel that this is important because there are some things in life that we can't earn back.  Even if we say we are sorry and repent, we still have to deal with the consequence. 

 

 

IF my kids plummet through all the levels at mach 3 speed, there isn't always time to do think it over or write it down.  So as they work back up through the levels, that is when they take care of what is required on each level.  

 

 

 

WHY IT IS WORKING FOR US -

 

I think the main reason why it is working for us is that I don't have to argue anymore.  I simply move them down.  I can do it without even talking.  Plus it moves the responsibility onto them.  I didn't make the wrong choice.  And I can't fix it or change their choice.  They have to do that.  We have only had 2 instances among all 4 kids that have resulted in moving all the way down to the bottom.  Usually things are resolved before we have even gotten to the Uh-Oh Jar.  I think having so many positive ways to move up helps it to work too.  My kids really want to be at the top.  They love seeing their clothespins move up the levels.  And I like rewarding good behavior. 

 

So two weeks into it, so far the No Yelling Challenge has been a success.  I did have a safety yell at one of my kiddos when they were standing a bit too close while I was swinging a pick axe the other day.  They wanted to see the axe hit the root I was trying to chop up. So there was a safety yell.  I let my kids vote if it counted as yelling or not and they said no.  :)



 



Kiss to Build a Dream On.....

In the beginning, 15 + years ago, it was like this:

Admit it.  It was like that for you too.  Fireworks.  Falling stars.  Tingles up and down your spine.  A bit faster of a heart beat.  Okay - a lot faster of a heart beat. 

And then time passed.  Maybe kids came along.  In our case 4 of them.  And quite a few foster kids in between.  There have been trials and tribulations.  Stress and more stress.  Money issues.  Job issues.  Stay-At-Home Mom blues.  I'm getting fatter blues.  Blues in general.  Real life set in. The fairy tale of the Princess and Prince Charming seemed to get lost in the hurrying out the door to work, cleaning up children's vomit, and falling into bed exhausted. It now seems like the Cinderella part of the fairy tale is the day to day reality.  Some of the spark is gone.  Some days it seems like we are two adults merely occupying the same space for a few hours as we try to meet the needs of everyone else.  Church callings, kids activities, homework, housework, yard work, work work, everything else comes first.  My hubby and I are best friends.  I can tell him anything and everything.  He is my strength and my shoulder to lean on (and cry on).

  But lately, this is how I feel the "romance" in our lives looks:



A kiss.  Blown as he heads out the door for work. Blown as one of us runs a child to soccer and the other runs one to Scouts.  Blown as he takes off for a meeting at the church while I put four cranky kids to bed.  Blown through the window as he works trimming the trees in our yard while I throw dinner together. Blown as he watches the news and I mess around on his IPAD.  Blown as I drift off to sleep as he showers so he can be up at zero-dark-thirty to go to work. 

And I want to change that.  In another 15 years, our kids will all be out of the house.  Or close to it.  They better be.  Fifteen years from now, he'll be retired.  And it will just be my hubby and me.  Like it was at the beginning.  While I know that friendship is the most important part of a lasting marriage and relationship, I want there to be plenty of kissing too.  Not just kind blown to each other across the wind as we sail the separate directions of our lives.  The kind that have to happen with arms around each others necks and faces close together.

To start out with, I am going to make sure that the first face he sees (whenever possible) as he walks in the door from a hard day at work is mine.  And I will kiss him.  Right on the lips.  Not on the cheek as he passes by me at the computer.  Not on the forehead as I walk past him while he is eating a snack.  Full on the lips kiss. 

So that as we grow older, we'll look like this. 

And we will be back to looking for any excuse at all to touch, to cuddle and to steal a kiss.  We'll be one of those old couples that everyone sees and sighs and wishes that their forever looks like that.

The No Yelling Challenge

NO YELLING CHALLENGE!

A friend on Facebook posted a link to someone's blog about a no yelling challenge for a year.  No yelling at your kids for an entire year.  Wow.  The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I yell. A lot.  In a way, it is like smoking.  If I get stressed out, I yell.  I hate doing it.  I know it is awful for my kids.  My mom yelled.  I hated when she did.  It makes me feel horrible inside.  My throat hurts, my head pounds, blood rushes to my face.  I know that I make mean scary faces.  There is a reason why I never yell in front of a mirror!  Yelling makes our home feel yuck.  The happiness that is there leaves the second my voice is raised.  Plus, I am now passing on this lovely habit/addiction to my children!  They yell too!  The milli-second anything goes wrong in their world, they are yelling! I don't like seeing that my kids are handling things the same way I do!  BUT as we all know monkey see, monkey do! 

So I have begun. A year of no yelling.  I decided that going cold turkey just wouldn't work.  And since they don't have patches or lozenges for breaking the yelling addiction, I decided to ease into it.  I started a bit last week.  And had the biggest ultimate no yelling challenge EVER!

I was in the check out line at Smiths when I received a phone call from the elementary school principal.  Never a good thing!  Apparently Mr. C had decided on the way home from school that day to use the school bus as his personal bathroom. Not good. Not good at all.  I was horrified! 

But I didn't yell.  Not one bit.  Not even a tiny raised voice. Not even a tiny smack across the back of the head.  I was calm, cool and collected.  We drove home. I sat his little bottom down and asked what had happened on the bus.  He admitted to it, thankfully. We talked about how it was gross and not appropriate.

There were consequences for his extremely wrong choice.  He didn't get screen time that day.  He had to say I'm sorry to the bus driver by writing him a note and giving him about half of his Easter candy.  Since he got suspended from the bus for a week and a half, and I have to drive him, he has to do my assigned chores for that amount of time.  I have to take the time out of my day to drive him, he has to make up that time for me. 

Hopefully the lesson will stick.  But I am so so proud of myself that I didn't yell.  HUGE HUGE HUGE!

However, this week is Spring Break.  And all the kids are home.  The fighting and arguing began approx 30 minutes after they walked in the door yesterday from school. Sigh.  It is going to be another big test!  I have a feeling this will be a constant battle.  And perhaps one of my toughest challenges to overcome during this "transformation"!

READY, SET, GO!

And the race has begun!  14 years ago yesterday, my life changed forever.  I became a mom! I thought it only fitting to start my journey to my life changing again on that anniversary. 

The first area that I focusing on this week is MY HEALTH.  I have started a 200 mile challenge.  I will walk, run, hike or bike 200 miles by October 31st.  For those of you who think this is no biggie because you run marathons and participate in Iron Man triathalons,  please realize that I am 50 lbs overweight and as of a month ago, had never lasted on any exercise program longer than a few days.  I hate to sweat.  I hate to breathe hard. I hate to feel that my face is hot. And I hate to have my heart pound.  I'm pretty sure I am allergic to exercise. :) Which is pretty much why I am 50 lbs overweight. :(   That and I love food.  Love love love food! 

So my health needs a major overhaul.  The doctor has been telling me that for a while now. But it wasn't until I received hand me down fat clothes from 3 people (yes, three) in a two month period that I realized the slim person I saw in the mirror was merely a figment of my imagination.  Or a recurring dream from years past.  So I got into a sports tank and some short-ish swim shorts and asked my daughter to take a pic.  Two pics actually.  Front and side view. Oh. My. Gracious.  That person in those pics is so so not the same person that was featured in my wedding photos.

Recently we moved to the most amazingly beautiful place in the entire world.  I'm pretty sure it was the Garden of Eden in its former life.  And it just happens to have a deep blue reservoir that is encircled by a four mile trail.  And it happens to be just about a hundred yards from my house.  Hence the 200 mile plan! 

Each glass bead represents one mile.  And yes, there are 200 of them - I counted.  The idea is simple but motivating!  When I get done with walking, running (which honestly probably won't happen much), biking, etc., I grab a bead from one jar and plink it into the other jar! 

And so it begins.  Tomorrow will be my first day to hit the trail.  I'm actually excited!

Almost ready!

I've been thinking about this plan for so long!  I can't believe that it is just about time to start.  Part of me wants to just do all 49 goals all at once and be "practically perfect in every way" immediately. But the other part of me knows that I tend to get overwhelmed really easy, I have a fairly short attention span and there is no possible way I can keep everything straight in my head.  :)

I guess a little background would be nice for y'all who are reading this.  I have 4 wonderful kids that sometime drive me completely crazy but most of the time I adore.  The oldest is A - she is 14.  Next comes D - he is almost 11.  C is 6 1/2.  The baby, M, is almost 5.  The oldest two are biological and the youngest two are adopted (not bio siblings).  We were foster parents in our state for 6 years and have had experiences with more kid issues than I ever knew existed.  We did adopt the two youngest from foster care and have been blessed that so far, their issues seem minor.  My hubby, K, and I have been married for 15 1/2 years and have an awesome marriage.  We have our moments of frustration as we seem to be opposites in lots of ways.  But we are completely on the same team on the things that matter.  He is a very quiet introvert who loves sports, mountain biking, skiing, etc.  I am a semi quiet extrovert who loves reading, staying inside and never taking an unnecessary risk.  Needless to say, that combo keeps things interesting but somewhat balanced in our home.

I'm sure more of our story will weave its way into the posts and you'll get to know me and my family fairly well.  Hopefully those that already know us won't think any less of me and those who don't know us won't judge me too harshly.  I am planning on being quite honest and open and may occasionally say things that aren't exactly politically correct.  The whole focus is self-improvement.  And I have A LOT of areas I need to improve. 

I'm hoping to give background on each goal as well as a couple of updates each month.  Feel free to comment but I do reserve the right to edit comments if they are not appropriate.

Seven months and 4 days to go!